(no subject)

There's a certain feeling I get when I find out that an artist I like is queer-- but I can't articulate it more coherently than "a very intense and warm-fuzzy sense of 'same hat!'".

(And also the sensation of reaching out and brushing one's fingertips across an outstretched hand/a lineage/a legacy -- but that's even less coherent during to being a metaphorical image.)

Anyway, I'm filled with a deep sense of fuzzy 'Same hat!' due to Mary Renault.

Romance Quest!: 'Fire From Heaven' by Mary Renault

Apologies to anyone who would want more coherent thoughts about this. They are unfortunately not available-- I had to pause writing this repeatedly to excitedly bounce and pace and bounce so more.

Also: one may ask 'is this really a romance novel?' Yes. Yes it is. I am Declaring it A Romance Novel. You Cannot Stop Me. It Features Romance and Has a HFA.*

Fire From Heaven is a historical novel by Mary Renault about Alexander the Great, from his birth to just before his coronation. It is densely written and poetic and full of beautifully subtle foreshadowing (For example, a character is repeatedly described in the way one would describe a bull-- just after a prophecy from Delphi prophecies that 'the sacrifice is ready, and the slayer also.' The character's interpret this as 'we will win the war in Asia'-- but bull dude ends up so murdered.)

Also also, it's a historical novel that acknowledges that Alexander Was Not Straight, which is lovely after the historical novels that seems to be all 'lalalala he was definitely only into girls, historical record who?' And the way she writes Alexander and Hephaistion's relationship is great-- I'm a sucker for grand and glorious loyalty, and fealty that goes both ways.

And I love how it treats Ancient Greek spirituality seriously. It's treated as a religion that the characters seriously believe in, not just as-- set dressing, or something for the narration to be snide about.

It's so good, and I am having too many FEELS.

Amplified due to my... history with this book.

You see, when I was about 10-11, I had a Thing about Alexander the Great. Call it a special interest, fannishness, an obession, whatever, I call it a Thing. I read a lot about him. Non fiction, fiction (including the first not-for-children novel I ever read-- where I got annoyed at the random sex scenes. Queer sex scenes would have bored and annoyed young!me, but she was offended by the how many straight sex scenes with no historical basis there were, while completely ignoring all the trysts that there were historical bases for!. ...Young!me had strange priorities. But honestly I'm still annoyed, even now.) The Thing contained a subpart Thing about his queerness. Out of purely academic interest of course. Me? Not straight and sublimating things oddly? No, never! The fact I considered his queerness importance was just a love of truth and facts. Yeeeeeeep.

And during the long, long wiki walks I took, I found out about Mary Renault's trilogy. Historical novels that... acknowledged the queer stuff. Actually acknowledged it? I wanted to read them, so bad. ...But it was (mumblemumble) years ago. I couldn't easily order them online. Online book ordering was somewhat a thing, but I'm pretty sure getting out of print secondhand books was less of a thing. And even so-- I was ten. I couldn't buy books by myself. And while my parents wouldn't have stopped me, I wouldn't have asked them. I didn't get a chance to read it. They became, almost a symbol, a book that existed in the wider world that I'd never get to see, but could take comfort in knowing existed.

But now? Now, with the wonders of debit cards and internet retailers of secondhand books. It's not a symbol anymore. It's a book I can read.

And I'm glad I waited. I think this would have been too dense for a young Wolffy, I wouldn't have got as much out of it or enjoyed it as much. But I can read it now, I have it now, and I'm so happy. And my ten year old self is pretty happy too.

I know I have a book moratorium-- but I'm gonna get the next two. I'll just try and read two books in my too-read pile before these two arrive, and at least keep myself book pile neutral.

*And also my first OTP, come to think of it.