(no subject)

[wolffyluna]

I have, against my better judgement, have become someone who goes on runs at 5am. I’m out working and living in the bush somewhere where the temperature after work is 40C, but before work its a much more reasonable 25C. And for various reasons it cashes out that 5am is the best time to go for a run.

Today’s run… raised my heart rate more than intended.

You see, 5am is colder!... because it's before dawn. So a) animals are more active and b) I have to use a head torch to see.

I was running along, and up ahead, just outside the torchlight, was a mysterious grey lump. I squinted at it suspiciously. Dead tree I forgot about. Optical illusion.

The mysterious lump hopped into the bushes.

That was the Kangaroo of Foreshadowing.

I kept running. I crossed the cattle grid, ran for a bit more

And then I heard a Noise.

I cannot describe it to you. I did not parse it consciously. Something deep in my mammal programming, the bit that handles 'an owl is swooping towards you' and 'something behind you is staring at you' went “sudden movement, in grass.”

I stopped dead.

Now, it could have been a snake. The snakes here are dangerous, but you can run past them. It could be a kangaroo. It would probably run away, but if it chose fight instead of flight, I did not want to fight a kangaroo.

But. It could have been a dingo.

I’m a bit big for a dingo. Wouldn’t want to test that though.

I tried to think of what you were meant to do when you encountered a dingo.I started clapping above my head while yelling towards the dark “I’M A BIG SCARY HUMAN. YOU DON’T WANT TO FUCK WITH ME. DON’T MESS WITH THE BEST. I’M BIG! HUMAN! I GOTTA PHONE I CAN USE TO CALL ALL MY BIGGER AND SCARIER HUMAN FRIENDS!”

I started backing away gingerly. I didn’t want to show my back to a possible dingo, but also I didn’t want to walk backwards into a cattle grid.

Once I crossed the cattle grid safely, I went “can a dingo walk over a cattle grid?” decided probably not, and speed walked back to the accommodation.

Comments

[lb_lee]

Rogan: NOBODY WANTS TO FIGHT A KANGAROO. (Or a dingo.)

Your 5 AM runs have much more exciting wildlife than mine do. All I ever have to worry about is like. Turkeys and drunk frat boys.