(no subject)

[wolffyluna]

Hi. How are your days going? Yesterday, I experienced an hour long surprise hike feat. 31C and humidity + having to psychologically manipulate some cows.

*So. Picture this. Before work, we realise that two of us need to to Mining Town in the morning, while two of us need to go into the office (which is in the middle of a cattle station). But we only have one work car.

... one of my coworkers does have a personal car, which he is willing to let us borrow.

So. The coworker who owns the personal car + another guy drive into town... with the work car. Me and my other coworker take the personal car. It's an old rattley thing with no clearance, but it is technically a four wheel drive, so it should be fine on the dirt station tracks? Right?

We turn off the highway, and start driving down the tracks. Within 5 minutes, we mysteriously lose power steering. A minute later, the check engine light comes on. During that minute as we try and work out what was going on, my coworker goes "FUCK LOOK AT THE ENGINE TEMPERATURE GAUGE." We stop and get out.

Belt? On the ground. A worrying mix of radiator fluid and oil? Also on the ground. Bonnet? Gently smoking.

We are currently in the middle of a dirt track, in the middle of nowhere. The weather can best be described as "the inside of Satan's swampy butt cheeks." It's going to take a couple hours for our coworkers to get to Mining Town and back. We have no phone reception. We have limited water and no air condititioning.

But we have some water, and our office has A/C and a phone, and it is, technically, walking distance.

So we spend an hour wading 7km through the more humid parts of the Devil.

But we are on a cattle station. There are cows. Now, these cows are appropriately afraid of cars: they'll get out of the way but they won't panic. They are inappropriately afraid of people on foot: we are talking full on galloping away from us PANIC, the earth shaking under their hooves.

Now. Flight is fine. We're going to have a problem if any of them choose fight.

My goal: get the cows to run away from us while we were still as far from them as possible... without freaking them out so much some decided to run in the wrong direction. With their horns down.

Now, I don't know much about cows, but I do know about horses. And horses and cows are basically the same [citation needed.] How would I manipulate a horse to get them to run far, far away?

I stood up very, very straight. I picked a cow in the herd to stare at dead in the eyes. And I thought thoughts like "mmmm, steak tartare," and "you know, it's always been a dream of mine to rip a still beating heart out of a rib cage as I watch the life leave my victim's eyes, but I've just never had a chance to."

Which worked way better than it should have? So we reached the office, without dying of a heat stroke, cow, or coworker avenging his car.

Comments

[lb_lee]

That sounds like a horrible adventure, but congratulations upon your triumph over cow psychology.

(Seriously, I have so much respect for cows. They could kill us so easily and they so regularly DON'T.)

[wolffyluna]

Oh yeah, I am very thankful that the cows *helped* in making sure we, including the cows, got out of here.

[tavina]

oh my god I'm so glad you're safe

[wolffyluna]

Thank you! [strained laughter] at least the cows were safer than the bushfire? (This work swing was SO CURSED.)